When You Realize the Bullet Dodged

Hey Twenty-somethings, are your chins still up yet?

They should be.  Look at what you've accomplished in the few years you've been around.  The pain you've endured, the smiles you've shared, the goals you've met.  Life isn't so bad, right?

Here's a thought for you - ever have a light bulb pop up over your head when you weren't expecting it?  There you are, just minding your own business, perhaps dwelling on something or contemplating the existence of a hybrid rat-mouse that rescues children from bacteria by gently reminding them to wash their hands, when "Ah-ha!"

It all makes sense. 

It may have been something that was a source of sadness, something considered a loss...then it clicked.  It wasn't a loss at all.  It was a lesson, and a close call.  It wasn't something missed...it was dodged.  But you're such a ninja you didn't even realized you ducked...badass.

There once was a wise woman that went by the royal title of Beyonce who wrote a beautiful sonnet about a love gone wrong being the "best thing [she] never had."  Wise Beyonce was considered a goddess among many who  just simply should have "put a ring on it." She encouraged those with troubles to take their worries and stick them in "a box to the left."  Wisdom beyond her years, indeed.

Alright, lame puns aside, she really does have a point in her latest overplayed single.  She thought she lost something, in this case a lover - but, oh wait, he's really a jerk!  Whew, Beyonce!  Close one!

It doesn't have to be about relationships either.  What about that job you didn't get?  It seemed like a dream at first, but think about it.  Do you REALLY want to move there?  Do you REALLY want to spend your days in that particular position?  There may be a very dark side you didn't noticed in the glare of awesome you encountered.  Losses can really be a gain in the right perspective. 

So if you're bumming about something that didn't work out as planned, take a break.  Knock it off.  Stop it.  Instead, let us look at that lovely silver lining, shall we?  Maybe it's okay after all.  Maybe it was your bullet dodged.       

Uncertainty Can Kill You

It's true.  Uncertainty is a nasty beast, no matter where in your life it may lie.  Work, education, family, love--uncertainty can eat you from the inside out.  Letting your mind ask a million questions, assuming the worse, or being forced to wait to resolve anything can feel as if nothing else in your world matters or has the same influences as before.

You can spend days miserable, lost on how to reel it all in.  When another person has to do with it, well, you are forced to succumb to their reactions and decisions as well.  Who wants that?  We want to control are own emotions.  We want answers NOW.  Any amount of waiting could make everyday feel as if it's only getting worse.

Try your best to breathe, despite what you may want to do.  Those knee-jerk reactions cause other reactions, not usually of the good kind.  Try your best to stop assuming, as much as your stomach twists.  In the end, when things shake out and get clearer, you'll be relieved you didn't do something to regret later. The good will emerge from the situation, if you let it.

Patience isn't easy.  Nobody really has a full grasp on it, I don't care how many think they really do.  Hit one of their nerves and watch as they scramble.  But when dealing with other people as most of these situations do, you NEED to stay calm.  You have NO idea what's going down on the other end.  As much as you think you do, you simply don't.  There's something to be said about intuition, but remember to separate it from emotional whim.  That's a difficult task, sometimes impossible.  Logic can flee in a second for those who've been faithful to it their whole life.  We can't predict these moments.  They happen.  There are times when we act out then look at ourselves and wonder where it came from.  Chances are that behavior will never happen again, but the fact that it did can scare us.  But guess what?  Welcome to the human realm.  Sometimes all those chemicals in our brains over power the logic we use. Mistakes become experience, bottom line.

If there's another involved, if they really know you, if they really care, chances are after you explain and even apologize, things will be just fine.  Sometimes, though, they won't be.  But that's okay too, life will go on for everyone involved, and in time, the pain will pass.  Yet if you're going through uncertainty as you read this, none of it will make you feel much better.

Try to take comfort in the fact that, with the billions of people in this world, you are not alone and there's somebody out there going through an even harder situation.  Be thankful for what you DO have, not what you don't or what you may or may not have lost.  If you made a mistake, say sorry, learn, and move on.

Life is hard.  But that doesn't mean you can't try your best anyway.  Do whatever it is you feel is right, even if it goes against every piece of advice you receive.   Only YOU know the ins and outs of a situation, only YOU know what's best for you.  Uncertainty can kill you if you let it, or, it can be a test for you to discover something new, whether about yourself or someone else.  Either way, it won't last forever.  Always know what you need and keep that chin up, no matter how much pain wants to pull it down.