Where's Home Today?

I'll be the first to admit this - I get homesick.  And I think as long as I live I will, at times, feel the tinge of homesickness.  It's not to say I won't love wherever life finds me, but there's a certain comfort we leave when we finally fly the nest.  It's expected, and it's the way it is.

We unfortunately aren't all blessed with a happy home to remember.  Yet throughout our lives we seek comfort in something.  And that comfort IS your home.  It doesn't even need to keep you dry from the rain.  It could be a person, a place, a memory, a book - whatever.  But the reality is, we move on from these things - all the while keeping them safe (and sometimes hidden) in our hearts.  It's not a sign of weakness or altered reality.  We all at some point have a "home," and when its no longer within easy reach...we miss it.

So what's your home?  Is it an actual place where you grew up, or is it something more? Is your home simply hope?   What's fascinating is that as we grow, we establish new homes.   We never forget those other things, only find more significant "homes" to value.  This is good, isn't it?  It shows that we continue to grow, to face challenges, to deal.  We meet people, we establish ourselves further in our careers.  Finding new homes reflects our refusal to stagnate.  We as humans just cannot sit still for too long.  We are always learning, even if we have lived and worked in the same place for years.  Our generation, fellow TwentySomethings, is especially mobile.  We have to be, it's a reaction to survive in the present day.  

So if you're feeling homesick, visit your home in your memories, for even just a moment.  Refuel for a bit, then focus on your day at hand.  One thing we have guaranteed to us is our thoughts.  If we utilize this power correctly, we will never feel truly alone.  When that loneliness hits, remember this: we are ALL in this together.  We are all living in this moment.  We are all fighting our own battles.  Life was never supposed to be easy.  Even if you have the financial stability of royalty, there will be something else to worry about.  If you have love, there will be something else to worry about.  If you feel happiness, embrace it, and realize even when you're truly happy, there will be things that worry you.  

I like to think we have a power over ourselves that's often forgotten.  We become victims of circumstance and our past.  We label ourselves and begin playing that pesky game of "trying to please everyone else."  It's not being selfish or rude to put yourself first.  If you lose your way in life, nothing is stopping you but yourself from stepping back on to the path you want to travel.  This is a realization that is SO HARD for most everyone to come to terms with.  We are all very smart and know our own minds the best.  So why in the world do we doubt ourselves?  If you're kind to others, be kind to yourself.  If you aren't kind to others, knock if off, asshole, and start playing nice.       

As always, please keep those chins up.  You don't want to see what's stuck to that sidewalk anyway.

Dissonance Much?

Hey Twenty-Somethings, long time no witty exchange!

Whether this post finds you undergoing the job search or serving the less-than-desirable job to make ends meet - or even living the dream - it's time for 2012.  Yes, it's either the end of the world as we know it, or another chance to make some resolutions to forget about by mid-February.

Here's an interesting angle on life while sorting resolutions, one that you'll think is complete bullshit until you experience it for yourself: dissonance when you logically have everything going for you.  Know what I'm talking about?  Maybe not.  But you will.  Oh, you will.

You see, Twenty-Somethings, you've worked so hard to be where you are.  Whether you're in the workforce or pursuing an education, you've made the choice to see what's beyond the paisley couch.  That's admirable.  Let's even venture to say you've made friends, get along with your family, even have a significant other that actually puts up with your "unique personality."  Roof over your head, food in your stomach, internet at your fingertips.  Your Klout score is even higher than average.  Life is good.

So why, then, do you feel this way?  Like something's missing, like something's unknown, like something is just plain not right.  You find your day-to-day less rewarding than before.  You don't know where you're going, those goals that you met haven't been replaced yet, and you look around to see everything whizzing past - you're in a free fall.

"What the hell?!" You grumble, "Didn't I just lift myself from this?  Shouldn't I be exuberantly happy to the point of pure disgust?  Life is good, it could be so much worse, I'm fortunate and lucky and appreciate every ounce of it."  Yet, you can't shake it.  Something itches.

Well, you can't just scratch it.  It could upset everything.  But has it ever occurred to you that perhaps you're meant for even more?  That this may be good, but why settle for good when you have great to try for?  Perhaps its a perspective thing.  This nasty little predicament can only really be addressed with another, yes ANOTHER, look inward.

Yeah, I know it, you just soul searched last Tuesday.  How can you fit another one in with everything going on?  Showering is sometimes hard to fit in.  And we all truly thank you for resigning to keep up that habit.  Really.  We mean it.  So here's a simple question - What makes YOU happy?

Oh, well, that's easy, laughter and clean underwear.  Ok, that's excellent, but what else?  Now this is where it gets tough.  Lets get down to the nitty gritty and dig.  You're going to need some booze, probably.  Don't make this activity a hassle, don't let cultural mores and norms act as filters, don't let your mind's voice tell you anything's stupid or impossible or wrong.  This is an exercise to find yourself.  The purer one, buried underneath all that you've learned and the culture you live in.  It's still there.  It's just dancing to Lil Wayne...so please, save it.

I plan to travel the world someday, and it's said that traveling is one way to peel back your walls and find that pure you again.  But I know my wallet isn't really ready for that right now.   And it's a good guess many of yours aren't either.  So travel a different way...separate yourself from your norm.  Switch up your routine.  Take a day to explore that park down the street you finally noticed yesterday.  Take  a drive.  Then get comfortable with pen and paper, or laptop, or stone and chisel, if you're so inclined.  Then write.  Remember nobody gets to see this but you, unless you want to share, and it doesn't even have to make sense to anyone but YOU.

This can be frightening.  What if you find you really want something that is nowhere near the direction you're heading?  Well, do you really want it?  If so, you're going to continue this dissonance until a breaking point.  Usually, breaking points aren't pretty...recall a certain B. Spears shaving her head and taking a baseball bat to a vehicle?  I'm guessing there was some sort of inner struggle there... Lets agree right now to not go Brittany Spears.  Ever.  It's Toxic.  See what I did there?  Pure gold.

So figure out a map to get to your happiness.  Take your time, but don't drag your feet.  And good luck, we're all counting on you.

When You Realize the Bullet Dodged

Hey Twenty-somethings, are your chins still up yet?

They should be.  Look at what you've accomplished in the few years you've been around.  The pain you've endured, the smiles you've shared, the goals you've met.  Life isn't so bad, right?

Here's a thought for you - ever have a light bulb pop up over your head when you weren't expecting it?  There you are, just minding your own business, perhaps dwelling on something or contemplating the existence of a hybrid rat-mouse that rescues children from bacteria by gently reminding them to wash their hands, when "Ah-ha!"

It all makes sense. 

It may have been something that was a source of sadness, something considered a loss...then it clicked.  It wasn't a loss at all.  It was a lesson, and a close call.  It wasn't something missed...it was dodged.  But you're such a ninja you didn't even realized you ducked...badass.

There once was a wise woman that went by the royal title of Beyonce who wrote a beautiful sonnet about a love gone wrong being the "best thing [she] never had."  Wise Beyonce was considered a goddess among many who  just simply should have "put a ring on it." She encouraged those with troubles to take their worries and stick them in "a box to the left."  Wisdom beyond her years, indeed.

Alright, lame puns aside, she really does have a point in her latest overplayed single.  She thought she lost something, in this case a lover - but, oh wait, he's really a jerk!  Whew, Beyonce!  Close one!

It doesn't have to be about relationships either.  What about that job you didn't get?  It seemed like a dream at first, but think about it.  Do you REALLY want to move there?  Do you REALLY want to spend your days in that particular position?  There may be a very dark side you didn't noticed in the glare of awesome you encountered.  Losses can really be a gain in the right perspective. 

So if you're bumming about something that didn't work out as planned, take a break.  Knock it off.  Stop it.  Instead, let us look at that lovely silver lining, shall we?  Maybe it's okay after all.  Maybe it was your bullet dodged.       

Uncertainty Can Kill You

It's true.  Uncertainty is a nasty beast, no matter where in your life it may lie.  Work, education, family, love--uncertainty can eat you from the inside out.  Letting your mind ask a million questions, assuming the worse, or being forced to wait to resolve anything can feel as if nothing else in your world matters or has the same influences as before.

You can spend days miserable, lost on how to reel it all in.  When another person has to do with it, well, you are forced to succumb to their reactions and decisions as well.  Who wants that?  We want to control are own emotions.  We want answers NOW.  Any amount of waiting could make everyday feel as if it's only getting worse.

Try your best to breathe, despite what you may want to do.  Those knee-jerk reactions cause other reactions, not usually of the good kind.  Try your best to stop assuming, as much as your stomach twists.  In the end, when things shake out and get clearer, you'll be relieved you didn't do something to regret later. The good will emerge from the situation, if you let it.

Patience isn't easy.  Nobody really has a full grasp on it, I don't care how many think they really do.  Hit one of their nerves and watch as they scramble.  But when dealing with other people as most of these situations do, you NEED to stay calm.  You have NO idea what's going down on the other end.  As much as you think you do, you simply don't.  There's something to be said about intuition, but remember to separate it from emotional whim.  That's a difficult task, sometimes impossible.  Logic can flee in a second for those who've been faithful to it their whole life.  We can't predict these moments.  They happen.  There are times when we act out then look at ourselves and wonder where it came from.  Chances are that behavior will never happen again, but the fact that it did can scare us.  But guess what?  Welcome to the human realm.  Sometimes all those chemicals in our brains over power the logic we use. Mistakes become experience, bottom line.

If there's another involved, if they really know you, if they really care, chances are after you explain and even apologize, things will be just fine.  Sometimes, though, they won't be.  But that's okay too, life will go on for everyone involved, and in time, the pain will pass.  Yet if you're going through uncertainty as you read this, none of it will make you feel much better.

Try to take comfort in the fact that, with the billions of people in this world, you are not alone and there's somebody out there going through an even harder situation.  Be thankful for what you DO have, not what you don't or what you may or may not have lost.  If you made a mistake, say sorry, learn, and move on.

Life is hard.  But that doesn't mean you can't try your best anyway.  Do whatever it is you feel is right, even if it goes against every piece of advice you receive.   Only YOU know the ins and outs of a situation, only YOU know what's best for you.  Uncertainty can kill you if you let it, or, it can be a test for you to discover something new, whether about yourself or someone else.  Either way, it won't last forever.  Always know what you need and keep that chin up, no matter how much pain wants to pull it down.

Incubus!

For as long as there has been a moon and a sun, or at least as far as my knowledge of those existing has been around, I have housed a very enthusiastic love for the band Incubus.  Their music has gotten me through many life moments and the song "Drive" has an inexpressible amount of importance to me.  I firmly believe everyone should discover a song that connects with them in an intellectual and deep way.  Having a bad day?  Song time.  Having a great day?  Song time.  Eating an ice cream cone and it's melting all over your pants?  Song time.  

Needless to day, "Drive" is my go-to song.  When I hosted my campus radio show at WRFW --www.pureradio887.com...check it out, it's the right choice for radio :) -- there was always an Incubus song of the day, usually preceded by my suddenly over the top excitement for the next artist in the line-up.

I'm a music advocate and eager concert-goer, but have yet to attend an Incubus concert.  Turns out the band is about to launch on tour again to promote the drop of a new album.  This leads to one very excited educated female.  The kicker--those tickets to the closest concert (Chicago) are not in the realm of affordable.  Since I missed their tour in 2009 I've been awaiting this announcement...and here I am, unable to attend because of the tightness of my recently graduated wallet.  The irony, the agony, the angst!  Alright, that was a little dramatic, but I have a point to drive home before curfew, here.

I want to see Incubus.  The chance is there, the odds are stacked against it happening.  What's a girl to do?