When You Realize the Bullet Dodged

Hey Twenty-somethings, are your chins still up yet?

They should be.  Look at what you've accomplished in the few years you've been around.  The pain you've endured, the smiles you've shared, the goals you've met.  Life isn't so bad, right?

Here's a thought for you - ever have a light bulb pop up over your head when you weren't expecting it?  There you are, just minding your own business, perhaps dwelling on something or contemplating the existence of a hybrid rat-mouse that rescues children from bacteria by gently reminding them to wash their hands, when "Ah-ha!"

It all makes sense. 

It may have been something that was a source of sadness, something considered a loss...then it clicked.  It wasn't a loss at all.  It was a lesson, and a close call.  It wasn't something missed...it was dodged.  But you're such a ninja you didn't even realized you ducked...badass.

There once was a wise woman that went by the royal title of Beyonce who wrote a beautiful sonnet about a love gone wrong being the "best thing [she] never had."  Wise Beyonce was considered a goddess among many who  just simply should have "put a ring on it." She encouraged those with troubles to take their worries and stick them in "a box to the left."  Wisdom beyond her years, indeed.

Alright, lame puns aside, she really does have a point in her latest overplayed single.  She thought she lost something, in this case a lover - but, oh wait, he's really a jerk!  Whew, Beyonce!  Close one!

It doesn't have to be about relationships either.  What about that job you didn't get?  It seemed like a dream at first, but think about it.  Do you REALLY want to move there?  Do you REALLY want to spend your days in that particular position?  There may be a very dark side you didn't noticed in the glare of awesome you encountered.  Losses can really be a gain in the right perspective. 

So if you're bumming about something that didn't work out as planned, take a break.  Knock it off.  Stop it.  Instead, let us look at that lovely silver lining, shall we?  Maybe it's okay after all.  Maybe it was your bullet dodged.       

Uncertainty Can Kill You

It's true.  Uncertainty is a nasty beast, no matter where in your life it may lie.  Work, education, family, love--uncertainty can eat you from the inside out.  Letting your mind ask a million questions, assuming the worse, or being forced to wait to resolve anything can feel as if nothing else in your world matters or has the same influences as before.

You can spend days miserable, lost on how to reel it all in.  When another person has to do with it, well, you are forced to succumb to their reactions and decisions as well.  Who wants that?  We want to control are own emotions.  We want answers NOW.  Any amount of waiting could make everyday feel as if it's only getting worse.

Try your best to breathe, despite what you may want to do.  Those knee-jerk reactions cause other reactions, not usually of the good kind.  Try your best to stop assuming, as much as your stomach twists.  In the end, when things shake out and get clearer, you'll be relieved you didn't do something to regret later. The good will emerge from the situation, if you let it.

Patience isn't easy.  Nobody really has a full grasp on it, I don't care how many think they really do.  Hit one of their nerves and watch as they scramble.  But when dealing with other people as most of these situations do, you NEED to stay calm.  You have NO idea what's going down on the other end.  As much as you think you do, you simply don't.  There's something to be said about intuition, but remember to separate it from emotional whim.  That's a difficult task, sometimes impossible.  Logic can flee in a second for those who've been faithful to it their whole life.  We can't predict these moments.  They happen.  There are times when we act out then look at ourselves and wonder where it came from.  Chances are that behavior will never happen again, but the fact that it did can scare us.  But guess what?  Welcome to the human realm.  Sometimes all those chemicals in our brains over power the logic we use. Mistakes become experience, bottom line.

If there's another involved, if they really know you, if they really care, chances are after you explain and even apologize, things will be just fine.  Sometimes, though, they won't be.  But that's okay too, life will go on for everyone involved, and in time, the pain will pass.  Yet if you're going through uncertainty as you read this, none of it will make you feel much better.

Try to take comfort in the fact that, with the billions of people in this world, you are not alone and there's somebody out there going through an even harder situation.  Be thankful for what you DO have, not what you don't or what you may or may not have lost.  If you made a mistake, say sorry, learn, and move on.

Life is hard.  But that doesn't mean you can't try your best anyway.  Do whatever it is you feel is right, even if it goes against every piece of advice you receive.   Only YOU know the ins and outs of a situation, only YOU know what's best for you.  Uncertainty can kill you if you let it, or, it can be a test for you to discover something new, whether about yourself or someone else.  Either way, it won't last forever.  Always know what you need and keep that chin up, no matter how much pain wants to pull it down.

Take Life and Smack it in the Face.

Hey, Twenty-Somethings, how's life? 

Some of us are still in post-graduate free-fall, hunting the job market arena like stealthy wolves in business clothes, resumes cocked and loaded.  Some of us have hit a fortunate turn, landing our first "real" jobs-the ones our goals have led us to.  And yet some of us are floundering while others are exactly where we want to be.  It's like a reality TV show with less of a tan. 

Yet one common thread I'm noticing among my peers is the longing to find something, whether that something is a job, a dream, or a companion.  Despite our best efforts to prove how independent and strong we are, us Twenty-Somethings always have the door open for a special person to waltz through.  We get our first places, we get our cars, we buy groceries with one serving in mind--hoping to one day share it all.  

And when it doesn't work out?  What happens when one venture turns sour?  Our hearts hurt, we doubt we'll ever be able to share again.  Some of us wallow, tailspin, or crash into Wiley Coyote's brick wall.  Then we pick ourselves up, dust off the Acme paint, and breathe.  After some hard-earned healing, we smile again.  

This time, that smile is wiser, more mature, and excited for the next opportunity.  We take the smile out for coffee, out with friends, out to the grocery store.  We are only an improvement of our selves.  Maya Angelou is quoted as stating, "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it."     Why should all of the pain we feel, over any ordeal, be laid to waste?  Why not take the hurricane by storm until we realize it's strength and make it our own?  Within every unexpected change, with every painful or even happy experience, comes the chance for growth.  But we must choose to bloom.  Take life, look it straight in its crazy eyes, and smack it in the face.

The danger lies in dwelling.  In finding self-pity and letting it bind around us.  How are we to learn when we are huddled in the corner or under our beds?  The darkness will never let you see the light that way.  So don't let misery lead your life.  Choose to get better.  Choose to be happy, to feel sunshine on your back as you look out at life, renewed and ready.  

Don't be afraid to make those decisions that carry heavy.  Don't be afraid to feel sad, scared, alone.  These things must be endured to laugh, to conquer, and to share.  

When I was younger, I watched an interview with the legendary Bruce Lee.  Yes, that Bruce Lee.  I've always thought he was one of the coolest icons from the past, but was nonetheless surprised at something he shared with his viewers during that interview.  What he said stuck with me, and I still think of it often as it is relevant to many details in good ol' life.  He discussed how we must learn from the properties of water.  How it moves, forms, and reacts.  I found a quote that encapsulates what I heard on that re-airing so many years ago: 


"You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend." 

-Bruce Lee

Flexibility is key.  Go with the flow.   Take all you can learn from this life and seek the happiness, see the good.  There will always be pain and suffering.  There will always be evil whether it's in circumstance or hearts.  

But there will also always be good to share.  And that, fellow Twenty-Somethings, is damn refreshing.    

Want to Know Something Cool? Wisestamp.com. It's cool.

I haven't thought of email upkeep as being very glamorous.  To say the least, I haven't really looked at it in terms of it being a tool for social marketing.  It has more of an image as a needed endeavor, like flossing your teeth. Or cleaning your apartment.  You have to do it, you have to keep up with it...you don't always look forward to it.


Yet email is powerful for newsletters and some direct marketing...and now can assist you with promoting your personal brand image.  Wisestamp.com is a wicked awesome free email signature extension that cooperates with the likes of Gmail, Yahoo! Mail, Hotmail, and more.  You can create various signatures (one for business, one for play...one for Mom) and edit their text, color, and design.  But here's the cool part-you can include links to your social media sites, rss feeds, and email applications (random quotes, sign-offs, etc.).  Below your name will be a row of icons users can click that will bring them to your profile on major social networking sites-hello Facebook, Twitter, and you other significant guys.  You can also include a link to your Blogger site. Gooooooood. 


So there's my little social media marketing tip o' the day.  Wisestamp.com (go on, click it!) is a little free way to get your name out there.  And who doesn't love that?

Personal PR: A Bit of Flirting Advice for Us All

This is my own little declaration of personal PR.

As I sit in this coffee shop making a feeble attempt at being productive and wondering why this mug is so damn big, I am forced to listen in to conversations happening close by.   I just have to.  The headphones are somewhere in the abyss of the boxes floating between my car, the storage unit, and my parents' house a gazillion miles away.  And some of these people are so loud, they might as well just come out and say they want my audience.  What's a girl to do?  I hide behind this comically gigantic mug and Macbook screen and take it all in.  I wasn't getting much done anyway.

A young woman is to the right of me, appearing absorbed into her laptop and slurping on some gourmet coffee beverage complete with a little Mt. Everest of whipped cream.  Envisioning an ant-sized mountaineer shrieking "Alpaca!" as he struggles up the whipped cream hill, I jump when she starts to shriek herself.

"I tried calling you but you didn't answer! It's too cold in here.  And I'm starving.  And I wanted you to pull out the chicken."

Oh dear lord, she better not be talking to me.  I completely forgot about the chicken.  I see a professional looking man stride up to her and unload his sweater and laptop.  "Sorry."  He went and got a boring Diet Coke (international symbol for "I'm at this coffee shop because she is") and came back...I don't think she stopped talking the whole time.

"Guess how many calories are in this drink."

Silence.

"GUESS!"

"Uh...400."

"650!!! You are SO way off.  650! 650!!!"

"You, uh, gonna be alright?"  The guy looks at the drink in suspect, probably noticing it's already two-thirds gone.  She giggles.  A lot.  I decide to tune this round out, already inspired.

I'll be the first to admit, I'm no expert at flirting.  I never really honed the skill--hard to believe if you know me personally now, but at one time I was shy.  Yes, it's true.  That quality never really went away, it just faded.  But when it comes to the dating scene, it'll rear it's quiet head once in a while.  Then I beat it down with a smile and carry on.  With that said, I know enough about the game to know this, and I want to make sure you do too:

BITCHING DOES NOT EQUAL FLIRTING.


What this girl thought she was doing was flirting.  But, alas, her dude wasn't really even listening.  I am assuming they have been together long enough where he has learned her technique and can properly respond without listening.  It's a talent most guys possess, and they're usually pretty damn good at it.  This particular victim was already nodding before she spoke...rookie mistake.  She luckily didn't notice.  Or did what a lot of women can do and notice entirely (we have been on to you guys for years after all) but use it to continue to talk with a "captive" audience.

So did her technique work?  Only because they appear to have a history.  If this guy was a random looker and she tried the bitching technique, it more than likely would've resulted in Mr. McRandom packing up that laptop and sitting elsewhere.  Dear girl, nobody cares about your drink.  It doesn't make me even wince that you're sucking down 650 calories.  This guy might not even know what a calorie really is (he has other things to worry about besides his girlish figure).

My point is this: girls, if you want to flirt, just be yourself and smile with the confidence you have because you are a beautiful woman.  Don't act stupid, because you're not.  Don't dress they way you think you should, dress yourself (appropriateness kept in mind, of course.  Going to work and the club shouldn't look the same...unless of course you actually work at the club).  And for goodness sakes don't complain about menial details to people who don't want to hear it.  Getting tuned out really isn't that fun when you finally have something to say.

Guys, this applies to you too.  Not everyone cares that sports are awesome.  Yes, video games do rule, but remember there's more to life.  No, really, there is.  What you need to do is be interested in whatever the hell she's saying.  Respond using her answers to even prove you're only glazed over because of her stunning beauty and NOT because she's, ya know, talking about the Kardashians.  And PLEASE don't play those stupid love games.  "Wait three days before..." and "Don't act too interested" are not effective.  You like her?  Then don't do something stupid like make her wait or wonder.  You'll lose her.  If she's worth her salt, she already knows this and won't stick around long enough for you to play any of those tactics.  So be a gentleman.  The world would appreciate it.

I'm learning everyday guys and chicks operate under completely different systems.  It's a miracle we can get along and communicate at all at times.  The clearer we both are with our intentions the less misery we face.  So let's in the very least attempt to function under the agreement we will never fully understand each other.

Good luck, we're all counting on you.

To My Fellow Flounderers...

I'm finding that we Twenty-Somethings are in a challenging spot.  We have learned so much already, in our lives and academic trials, but Holy Unexpected Batman, there's a ton of stuff they didn't care to warn us about!  Finances, job hunting, heartache, vehicle smarts, unabated velcro...there's so much to figure out.

Most of us who have served our college time have learned to handle our own laundry and live off of small funds and lint for a chunk of time; those lessons are now in our arsenals for the future.  Yet, when we trotted across the stage in our Hogwarts-esque robes during the graduation ceremony, we had only a glimpse of the idea of what lied ahead of us.  We are perfectly aware of this economy...very aware.  So in order to prosper we have already prepared ourselves sufficiently by learning what we can when we can...then posting it on Facebook for all our friends.  Or so we hoped.

My mantra: keep your head up.  Just don't be stupid about it and drown yourself in the rain.  You may be hitting all sorts of walls, but this is NOT the time to throw in the tear-soaked towel.  Rather, this IS the time to dance around like a fool and discover yourself.  Think about it.  When was the last time you looked inward?  For the last several years we've been so busy fretting about school, work, family, friends, our goals, etc. that we strayed a bit from our original selves.  Through all this experience we've expanded our stories and opened our eyes.  That's the sort of stuff that changes a person...and in all the right ways.  So don't be afraid to see where your life has taken you and where you really stand now.  Maybe that major you eventually graduated with isn't your calling.  So what?  You've learned plenty from it to apply those skills to what really excites you.

Everything you've accomplished and weathered contributes to who you are and what you're capable of.  Use this knowledge to your advantage.  Take on the world or just the day.  It's all your choice, so just keep swimming, fellow flounderers.        

 

 

We're Not Listening

Trying to reach my generation?  Great, we are all ears when we're interested and pretty savvy too.  Thing is, most of the time we aren't paying attention.  This doesn't make us rude or more glazed over than a Krispy Kreme--it just means we have a lot in our face.  In order to survive the clutter, we've tuned out.  When we go online, we don't read the pop-ups or side banners.  We read our Facebook newsfeed and Tweet about it.  Endlessly.  We catch the headlines in quick blips, only clicking through if the blurb speaks to us.  My generation is quick-witted...and bored with tradition.

Yet, once you get through to us, once we approve of you and your brand, we become your advocates.  Light our interest on fire and we'll tell the world about you.  We make videos go viral and trends explode.  We may even "Like" you.  If this happens to you, congratulations, you've broke through the clutter.  But be careful...treat us well.  If you don't, we won't let you get away with it.  We'll become your anti-advocates, Tweeting to the world our dismay.  We have good reach too.  So play nice.

So how does a brand get through, make us look up from our screens and smart phones?  Study the brands we do sport.  My generation appreciates clean, concise, and to-the-point marketing.  We like to be involved through interactivity.  Ask us our opinions, odds are we'll tell you.  Do it right and we'll even suggest marketing tactics for you to try.  Reach us in our territories of the social media realm.  And, above all, be flexible, be open to risk, and respect us.  Now we're listening.        

Incubus!

For as long as there has been a moon and a sun, or at least as far as my knowledge of those existing has been around, I have housed a very enthusiastic love for the band Incubus.  Their music has gotten me through many life moments and the song "Drive" has an inexpressible amount of importance to me.  I firmly believe everyone should discover a song that connects with them in an intellectual and deep way.  Having a bad day?  Song time.  Having a great day?  Song time.  Eating an ice cream cone and it's melting all over your pants?  Song time.  

Needless to day, "Drive" is my go-to song.  When I hosted my campus radio show at WRFW --www.pureradio887.com...check it out, it's the right choice for radio :) -- there was always an Incubus song of the day, usually preceded by my suddenly over the top excitement for the next artist in the line-up.

I'm a music advocate and eager concert-goer, but have yet to attend an Incubus concert.  Turns out the band is about to launch on tour again to promote the drop of a new album.  This leads to one very excited educated female.  The kicker--those tickets to the closest concert (Chicago) are not in the realm of affordable.  Since I missed their tour in 2009 I've been awaiting this announcement...and here I am, unable to attend because of the tightness of my recently graduated wallet.  The irony, the agony, the angst!  Alright, that was a little dramatic, but I have a point to drive home before curfew, here.

I want to see Incubus.  The chance is there, the odds are stacked against it happening.  What's a girl to do?

Dear Fierce Lady on the Other Side of the Coffee Shop

Dear Fierce Lady on the Other Side of the Coffee Shop, 

Firstly, I must admit, you have an impressive amount of...confidence.  There you sit, legs crossed, heeled foot bobbing, slurping on your pink smoothie.  Those zebra-printed tights really make your denim skirt pop.  And, oh my, your hair!  My apple and its orange friend could happily hide beneath that magnificent pouf.  Behind that tease, they'd be safe from the hole in the O-Zone layer you contributed to with that last bottle of Aqua Net.  And it's really clever how you appear to be keeping time by popping your gum so methodically.  

It's characters like you, Fierce Lady on the Other Side of the Coffee Shop, that keep the world a stage.  We love the unknowing celebrities being followed by cameras, discussing their "Situations" and drama.  It just seems to be as if your camera guy took the night off.  So, thank you for venturing out today for that strawberry smoothie sans lens.  You've compelled me to share your image.  Now just hope it goes viral.

Regards of Some Sort, 

Laura

To All the Broken Hearts

College graduation represents that time when doors are closing, others are opening, some doors are windows, windows become walls...and luckily there's wine in the kitchen.  It seems only natural that relationships are changing as well.  People are finding themselves again, and this means finding someone else that fits the puzzle.  What's ironic, this doesn't mean always starting a new, wonderful, happy love with that dreamy whomever.  It's a time for cuts as well.  For wilted relationships to finally get tossed out the door.  So along with the stress of being twenty-something and educated, we arrive to the door of Heartbreak Hotel.

Not too long ago I was in a long term relationship, humming a happy tune while knowing the tempo changed.  I fought for  it to last, but when one fights while the other sits, well, you simply go in circles.  When the breakup finally arrived, I was crushed.  There was years of history within that relationship, and it ended as quick as Charlie Sheen's sanity.  I had no idea that it would be the best thing to happen to me in a very long time.

I was forced out of my comfort zone...my comfort zone was snatched away, actually.  While I watched the degradation of someone I once held on a pedestal, truth showed itself in unsettling ways.  I had to focus on myself to stay strong.  What did I need to be okay?  What do I really want in life?  Isn't it nice to only have my laundry on the floor?  

Friends stepped up to help me, and I created stronger bonds, found new ones, and became wonderfully okay with myself.  I knew I could make it on my own, I knew what I valued in life, I was more prepared for the real world than I ever would've been still settled in a stale relationship.  And I appreciate everyone in my life.  

So, thank you, truth and heartbreak, for making me who I am today.  Stronger, more confident, and the happiest I've ever been.  After some time, I had the fortunate chance to run into someone who showed me what a relationship could really be.  This whole year of experiences and realizations have me thanking the stars everyday that I had a hell to travel through.  Behind every heartbreak, every pain you feel you cannot bear, lies an opportunity to break though, to realize the terrific and improve your life beyond what you can fathom.  

Good Luck.  You're never alone.    

Hello World. Yes, the Real One.

Hey, Real World.  Your fly's open.

Made you look.  But the door of opportunity is definitely open.  With college graduation approaching at an almost rudely fast pace, it has become the moment every grad experiences: a breed of fear, excitement, hope, and bittersweet loss.  The last four years have been dedicated to an education no ACT or SAT could gauge for us.  And after that lifetime experience of a mere few years, we are thrown into a new learning curve, a new environment, a new chapter.

A new chapter in a bad economy.  A new chapter where our deepest friendships, although they will stand the test of time, are going to be stretched across state (and international) borders.  A chapter of uncertainty.

So, fellow people caught in the barrage of graduation stress, we have a lot to think about.  But the beauty of it is exactly what we're worrying about.  We have this new freedom; with a degree we have knowledge behind us, memories accrued.  There are no binding responsibilities, no boundaries.

It's the time for cliche...Chase that Dream, grad.